Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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