sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
