I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Randomize
