He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
