I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Randomize
