i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Randomize
