it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
So vagazzling was a success
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
