Need sex. Gaining weight.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
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