I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I have aggressive nipples.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
