Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Randomize
