I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
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