I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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