Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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