I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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