Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
