Nicole vs. Life
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
