oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Randomize
