Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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