I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
