Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
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