I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
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