He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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