LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
We had sex on a dog bed..
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
The air taste purple.
Randomize
