Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
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