Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
