sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
i need some magic done to my vagina
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
