Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
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