I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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