Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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