Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
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