I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
