just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
