Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
