I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
