8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
