I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
