If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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