I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
