ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
This couple is walking their pig around campus
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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