I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
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we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
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you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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