A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
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i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
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