The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
