Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Betty ford says i'm here all night
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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