You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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