Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
And then my night got REAL pukey
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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