I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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