3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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