she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Randomize
