at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
You are a genius and a whore.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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