Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
well I can't set my house on fire every night
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Randomize
