Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
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