I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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