Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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