Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
