Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
How does it feel to date your dad?
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Randomize
