You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
