I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
