I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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