so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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