i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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