ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
