Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
