life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Just pee around me
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
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