So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
