the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
