I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
it's like iHOP with fire
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Randomize
