and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Do vagina's smell?
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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