hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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