i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
