I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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