U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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