ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
