I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Randomize
