I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Randomize
