My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
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