can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
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