The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
